Well you might find 3 in this weeks post as I try to explain last weeks lack of ride information. As you will see a mixture of human error and technological failure conspired against us. So much like the chicken and egg, which came first?

 Human error! Anyone surprised? At around 8.00pm on Saturday whilst sniffing the top of a fine wine Andrew realised no rides were out and immediately issued a text SOS to his fellow organisers. His request was simple, could either Hegs or myself put out a ride? Andrew advised that he was at a Bunga Bunga party, and that much like one of his cycle rides, it was likely to over run by some hours and result in excessive alcohol consumption.

I replied immediately that if John was unable to oblige by 9.00pm then I would put out the rides. I felt confident that our technology guru, Hegs, would simply speak to his computer and hey presto, a couple of nice paragraphs and a route would mystically appear. Here however, technology failed me, my text message did not leave my phone. This was compounded by Human error as I failed to notice until Monday.

As for John, well he was California Dreaming, presumably in silicone valley. His excuse, Jet lag, though frankly if he’s nesting his head between Pamela Anderson’s finest I cannot see how this can be true. Whatever the truth our man at the forefront of communications was un-contactable. I think I’m now up to 4 excuses.

Still, and despite of these failings, an excellent turn out still ensued, and for the first time in Vinghoe Velo history the Jazz plan was implemented. As you may imagine this takes its form from the improvised music of the same name, whereby much like the musicians, the cyclist makes it up as he goes along. We must be thankful that some of the more obscure principles of Jazz music were not applied as this would  have resulted in everyone cycling in a different direction!

So too make up for this sack load of poor excuses I am pleased to issue this weeks rides well in advance. If you find time, in between shooting striking public servants, then please take a look and print them off for Sunday. I will now do some work.

Long Route

Short Route

For many this time of year represents the gradual wind down to the christmas festivities. Some may already be drafting their letters to the fat bearded bloke in the red suit, others perhaps preparing slow gin and mince pies. But here at Vinghoe Central we know that now is the time to step up our training regime, and reinforce our healthy living ethic. So tonight we give you a few thoughts for the coming weeks.

During these times you will be expected to increase your food intake. Turkey, mince pies, christmas pudding and all other fancy foods will be pushed in front of you. Of course many will say that everything in moderation is acceptable, but this is like having a ferrari with only four cylinders. It will look good but only have half the fun. No, as Fatletes we must remember to eat all that is put in front of us. The winter months will be long and arduous, and we must be prepared.

Fear not that you may put on a little weight, this is to be expected and indeed desired. So eat until your hearts content. Now you will have seen some horror pictures of those that have over indulged, the problem is not the eating but the lack of physical training, and this is where being part of the Vinghoe Veloes can really help. Thanks to our physio guru, Dave “Hill” Howe, we have the perfect cycle training programme to keep those legs and bodies in top condition. A classic combination of gentle climbs and steep descends provides the perfect antidote to a fine feast.

Over recent years, thanks to George Best and his like, there has been much negative publicity regarding the consumption of Alcohol. Binge drinking is not acceptable, more than two or three units a day is too much. So what is the average fatlete to do in the face of such contrary advise. Well as you’d expect here at the veloes we have the solution, the turnover digger units calculator. I know this is starting to sound complicated, and maths and drink are not best bed buddies, but this is really simple. We are going to introduce a units per venue measure. So you may enjoy a couple of glasses of fine barollo before venturing out of an evening. Two units done, and well within your limit. Then of course you will take a short walk to your favourite drinking establishment, the Rose and Crown. This is where the plan really works. New venue, new points. A clean slate and well within safe limits, so crack open a few tonight while you study this sundays rides.

Long Ride

for those that are under 5 foot here’s the

Short route

I am sure that like myself many of you are mourning the loss of the legendary “Sir Jimmy”. Those of you that have been with the Velos for some time will know that Jimmy was an honourary founding member of our club, and today in true Telegraph Obituary style I would like to pay tribute to the man that Tina Turner described as “simply the best”. So please forgive me as I recollect a few of the mans fine achievements.

So where to start? Well firstly I would like remember his status as one of the most prolific marathon runners. A man who ran in clothes that you cooked the Christmas turkey in, and whose answer to a shortage of Oxygen was to light another of Cubas’ finest. Is this not an approach to fitness that embodies totally the philosphy of the Vinghoe Velos?  Let us also not forget that each marathon he started  he finished. Can the same be said of the bespectacled olympian athlete Paula Radcliffe?

But the man was not just a man running the streets, indeed there were many other aspects to this complex enigma. Long before the likes of Dave Lee Travisty, Tony Blackbum, and Noel Endaway were part of the radio establishment, young Jimmy was spinning the disks in northern clubs. Back in those days rock’n’roll roll was in it’s infancy and that the playing of pop music was considered subversive, and for those plugging their wares on Radio Caroline, submersive. Nonetheless, it was not long before the establishment recognised the talent of the great one, and gave him his own programme, Top of the Pops. Here we saw a young Jimmy at the top of his game, much like we see the Velos at the top of a climb. No matter how much a challenge, like the cream, Jim and the Velos rise to the top.

Jim was not just a radio or Television personality, he was a man ahead of his time. Earlier this year, if I recall there was a little wedding at the time, many of us embarked on a ride from Northampton to Ivinghoe. No of course like you I remember the rambling countryside, the fine lunchtime food and drink, and the gentle hills. But of course we had to get there, and as Jim said “this is the age of the train”,  indeed on that day the Victorian transport system delivered us in comfort and, unusually, on time.

Now Jim was not just a man of his time but also a man ahead of it. Whilst Brucie said “points make prizes”, long before this, on a Sunday lunchtime, Jim was offering “2 points for the Artist and one for song” but no prizes.  Is this not the first gameshow? And a metaphor for all that is good in the Velos? 

I have, of course, already mentioned the marathon running, and for many this is an end in itself, however for the blonde one it was more than a run in the park. Over a couple of thousand runs he raised more than the greek GDP, and only slightly less than Andrews bar bill at the Rose and Crown.

For many the achievements above would be more than they could deliver in a lifetime. For Jim? Of course not. Gucci, Chanel, Burbery, Westwood, all fashion icons of our time. Jim, yet again ahead of the game. When asked about his fashion role model, his fellow blinged up friend Mr T said “I aint flying with that crazy fool”.  When commenting on Jims radio show he also said “do it for the Jazz man, the Jazz”. Luckily for us he didn’t play Jazz.

Sportsman? That was Jim too. In the day when Geoff Boycott was batting at the pavillion end, Jim was busy leading the yorkshire cricket team at trent bridge. As the leather hit the wooden sticks, he would be heard to cry “Howz about zat zen?”. Due to a yorkshire problem with vowels the terraces now resonate with an abbrevaited “Howzat”.

Of course I could go on with the tributes, and for some I probably have done. So for now then, now then,

Good gracious, goodness gracious,

Howz about zat zen,

Goodness Gracious, Goodness Gracious,

This weeks ride:

Sir Jim

Fittingly the ride is 26 miles, so put on the bling and be there for Jim.

Words cannot describe this weeks rides….

Long Route

Short Route

So ride ’em and weep.

Good afternoon from Vinghoe Central, and welcome to this weeks news and rides.

So news first, well Mark Cavendish may have won the world championship, but he couldn’t beat the Wiggle Rut. For those of you unfamiliar with this annual sportive here’s a little more information for you. Long before the continental plates went their seperate ways this challenging ride formed a mountain stage on the Tour de France, but today thanks to those shifting plates it’s now firmly located somewhere near Leicester. Those wanting more precise  details on the start point should not contact John Hegarty as he beleives the start point was just north of Milton Keynes.

This challenging route is 74 miles long if you fancy a morning run, and for those wanting to go to lunchtime, there is the option of a 100 miler. Ever considerate, the vinghoe velos elected to take the shorter route so a not to intimidate those hardened professionals doing the longer one. As noted earlier this route is well known for it’s mountainous terrain, according to Andy Beezer even the slightest climb was a category 5. (I don’t know what this means either, I thought it was computer cable) In fact the route was so challenging even our own King of the mountain, Jim, succommed after 35 miles and decided to take a nap whilst still on his bike. With his stabilisers missing he quickly departed the road, and continued his sleep into the hawthorn bushes. For those of you that are concerned I can confirm there was no lasting damage to the bush. This meant that Jim was unable to complete the ride, although one kind velo offered to take his timing chip over the finish line so that he “could get a really shit finishing time”. Our team spirit remains ever strong.

This meant that having lost two riders before the start, one to Delhi Belly and the other to Man flu, we were down to seven riders. Still the strongest team entry in the competition. New tictacs were therefore needed, but we didn’t have any so Scottish Dave, and little Dave set off in pursuit of the quickest time, eventually crossing the line in a very respectable 4.51. The remaining five, Andy and Hannah Beezer, John Hegarty (navigator), myself and another bloke called Dave finished in 5.01 thus ensuring that the team trophy was awarded to Vinghoe Velos. We await delivery of the trophy to our headquarters, the Rose and Crown, which we are assured is in the post.

Despite our significant entry in the rut there was still a good turn out for our regular Sunday morning ride. So thanks to all those who led this ride, in the absense of some of the usual suspects. For this week, business is very much back to normal, with guaranteed tropical weather. One route only, but two groups so that there’s a pace suitable for all. Just to clarify that means slow and not quite so slow.

2 October ride.

Until tomorrow.

Thanks to a strong turnout from the Vinghoe Velos last week the ladies only event was a fantastic event. In fact over 90% of the participants were on bycylces, and were joined by none other than Ms Victoria Pendleton. Unfortunately for VP the Vinghoe Velos were on home ground, and she struggled to keep up for much of the route, eventually stopping in  Ivinghoe Aston for refreshment and a thigh massage from Andrew. Whilst there she showed her keen observation skills by confirming that Andrew was indeed not a girl. Once revitalised she rejoined and completed the 25 mile course in a not too bad 27hours and 13minutes. Another world record, and a round of applause from the sealions. Well done to all.

And so to this weeks ride. Well the good news is that we won’t be going past Leighton Buzzard so we all stand a chance of making it back without having to put some tarmac down first. And the bad news? There is none. No just the usual flat ride out with a choice of two speeds. Slow for those that want to get round as quickly as possible, and leisurely for those that want to enjoy the country side. So hear goes:

Sunday ride

Is it a monster? No it’s a Vinghoe Velo, blue shirt glinting in the early morning hue, hair in his eyes, cuddling his handlebars and yelling no more hills, PLEASE Dave. But boy is it a monster weekend.

First up Mary Sainty and Friends are heading for the Bucks Historic churches ride, leaving from Ivinghoe Church at 10.00am today. Let’s hope they can bring back plenty of free lead for us.

Next up is the Ladies Cycletta which takes place tomorrow morning from whipsnade zoo. Jose comments “It’s not the penguins that bother me, but those bloody bison are enormous. Hit one of those and your bike is gonna be pipework”. Good luck to all the ladies taking part tomorrow, especially the friends and members of the vinghoe velos, as well as the helpers manning the rifles.

And of course for the rest of us there is usual Sunday ride. This week we have dropped the short route as there has been no take up on this in recent weeks, with everybody preferring to take the longer ride. However, the longer route is now divided into two groups, the quick set (this is a relative point) and those that prefer a leisurely pace. So if in recent weeks you’ve felt that we’ve all been chasing quick times and high average speeds, when all you wanted was a pleasant ride out on a Sunday morning, and have perhaps been a little reluctant to come along, we’ve now made sure there’s a like minded bunch to go with.

We remain a club for people that just want to ride their bikes, irrespective of what sort of bike it is, or how old it is. In fact the more out there your bike is the more welcome you are. Tandems, choppers, and Penny Farthings all welcome. Exotic state of the art bikes are also welcome but please ensure you have no athletic ability whatsoever if you want to turn up on one of these.

And so here is this weeks ride. 

Long Route

Welcome to this weeks ridees and general up date on nothing to do with cycling. As some of you may know I have recently been in Italy helping their gypsy economy get back on track, and looking after their unemployed at the Giro Italia. This is not as some people think the italian version of Etch a Sketch or Spirograph.

Now when many of us think of Italy, we often think of exotic cars or cheeky little runabouts, but what of your average italian I hear you ask. Well much to my surprise, and despite reports of their economy being in poor shape, I can confirm that Mr 2.4 in Tuscany seems to getting by in his castle and vinyard rather nicely. And his wine tastes jolly fine too.

So there we are, a complete review of the italian economy in one paragraph, and in less words, our rides for tomorrow.

Long route 

Short Route

MAry Saintey has asked us to remind you that she is once again riding the churches ride on 10 September 2011. She is looking for friends to join her on the day, and has routes already planned. Details will be available on forthcoming Sunday rides.

I have also recieved information From Mark and Izzy Robinson who asked me to put this out:

Fast road ride. Leaves Pitstone Roundabout 7.00PM

Challenging off Road leaves Rushendon Furlong 7.30PM

All return to the Rose and Crown for Isotonic Ale afterwards. Remenber the faster you ride the quicker you get there.