Welcome to this weeks news.

Some say that chickens have few teeth…………

Some say that the sight of Jack is rare………..

Some say that a fine steak comes rare…………..

Some say that the minutes of the parish council meetings produced by the paid clerk are extremely rare………………………

But here at the Vinghoe Velos the only thing rare is bad weather and the late publishing of cycle routes, such as these!

Now I understand that our local roads will be swamped with tourists trying to complete the Tour de Vale, and that some of you may be attending this event, presumably to impart your wisdom and knowledge to those around you. For those attending good luck.

And for those of you not attending wes still have our usual array of rides over the weekend. Firstly there are the beginners rides which take place today leaving from the Rose and Crown 2.00pm. These are ideal for those looking to get back into cycling, or those just looking for a gentle ride out.

Tomorrow we have the following two, randomly picked from our previous selection.

Long Route 

Short Route

Your regular organisers are unable to ride tomorrow so please print a few maps of. For those wanting our fine new club shirt, please place your orders tomorrow, by leaving payment and details, in an envelope at the Rose and Crown. Full details are on last weeks post.

Good luck and enjoy the ride.

Are there more bank holidays this than sales at DFS? For those of you not cycling surely an opportunity to nip out and replace that Brabantia bin thats still got a rubbish bag stuck in it? But for the mighty Vinghoe Velos its another chance to polish up the frames on your transport of choice.

Now before I go to this weeks routes I bring you some good news………………….Jack’s Back! Well he was last week anyway. Is he back for good? Is he fit enough to join the elite? Or will he staying with Fritz? Join us this Sunday to find out.

Now I understand that last week some of you found a few roof tiles flying around the garden, and were deterred from cycling by the light breeze whipping round the chimney. This was caused by a malfunction in our weather software programme. John Hegarty assures us that the switch of and reboot has solved the problem, and that this Sunday glorious sunshine will return with temperatures once again reaching the mid twenties (0C).

Sadly I am unable to join you all on this weekend, but I leave you with two new routes to delight. Enjoy!

Long Route

Short Route

Don’t forget your marmite………….unless your Danish that is! `

Dave Howe has prepared a route for a ride this coming Tuesday departing from the pitstone roundabout a 7.00pm. Dave advises that the ride will be pacy, although no one will be left behind. The intention is to return before dark for a little replenishment at the R&C. Take a look at Daves’ comments on Curly Fries for full details of the ride.

Good evening fellow Veloists,

Please accept my apologies for the late posting of this weeks rides, I trust that reciept of this will not in any way detract from your enjoyment of the annual european Karaoke competition now being aired for your entertainment. As I type a band from Denmark, with hair like the brothers from Ireland are preaching about the future being today. As a cylce group that has no rules and is open to all, we may now introduce an exclusion rule preventing anyone who has entered this competition from our elite fraternity.

And now back to the matter in hand, some rides for this weeks little jaunt.

LONG ROUTE

SHORT ROUTE

Now for those wondering what todays title has to do with this article, well in the same way that you should not judge a book by its cover, you should not judge a post by its title!

Let the fat lady sing, I shall now return to upping my fluid levels. Goodnight until tomorrow, 10.00am as usual.

Welcome to this weeks installment from the worlds favourite website. In the week that Bin Laden became Bin and Gone we are reminded of the missing members of our own group. If the might of Uncle Sam can take 10 years to track down a man with a dodgy beard, how are we to find Jack? Some have said that had Bin Laden been waving a Union Jack those boys from across the pond would have got him a lot quicker with a bit friendly fire. But we’re not here to shoot Jack.

So how can an elite group of athletes from a training camp in Ivinghoe track down one of its flock with just grit and determination? The answer is were not going to. The Frisby fiend will return when he’s good and ready. And that leaves us to concentrate on the more important matters, like this weeks rides.

So here they are:

Long route

Short route

Finally before I sign off from this weeks rubbish, I’d like to add a few thanks for last weeks Northampton ride.

So the first goes to Andy Beezer for the excellant route planning, and the second goes to Sally for ensuring an excellant lunchtime venue.

Whilst on the subject of lunch thanks also to the Bell In at Beachamton who managed to provide an excellant lunch to 18 of us all at the same time.

And a final thank you to all those that made the ride together with their friends who had not joined us before.

Please remember to print a few maps of for this weeks rides, and when you’ve finished with them just chuck them in the brabantia, if you haven’t thrown it out yet.

Firstly apologies for the late posting of tomorrows rides.

Secondly let me give you tomorrows rides:

Long route

Short Route

So there, by way of a change nothing but cycling this week!

Some fried chicken would be nice!

Firstly let me apologise to those of you who are grappling with an overload of new hormones and thoughts of an ideal world, for today’s jottings may not be on your plateau. If this applies to you then please stroll down the page where you will find the juicy bits.

But for those of just waking up, perhaps nursing a slight headache and contemplating frying a freshly delivered egg, then this may be for you. Now there was once a time when the kitchen bin was just that. It either sat behind a cabinet door collecting rubbish until such time that you could not shut the door, or it was a simple plastic affair that sat in the corner where its white lid quickly collected tea stains from the teabag being removed from your cup.

Now thanks to those wonderful people at Brabantia we have a style icon for the kitchen. These carefully designed, stainless steel garbage containing vats come in a variety of shapes and sizes to suit all kitchens and lifestyles. For those of you looking to help save the planet, there is the twin compartment model that allows you to segregate your compost from your landfill.

But before you rush off to snap up one of these visual delights I advise caution, for the Brabantia bin comes with a health warning similar to one given for a holiday in Thailand. Whilst that maid you have recently hired may delight upon the eye with a fine female form, once you get inside the pleasant exterior you may find more bits than you were bargaining for. And this brings us to the nub of the problem, the inside of the bin. Whilst the outside has been carefully designed it is on the inside that you will find your problems.

Once you have exhausted your first supply of rubbish bags your shopping dilemma will occur. You will have carefully disposed of the box in which the bin arrived and thus be unable to remember which bin you have, or what size it is. You will be looking at the shelves in Waitrose or Tesco and see a variety of different bags and sizes. Eventually you will have to guess on the bags to take home.

If you have selected correctly then you will be spared a return visit to the shops for some time, where you will again have to face the above dilemma. Should you have selected incorrectly you will be faced with a further dilemma. Either the bag will be too small and you will spend hours trying to stretch it to fit your bin, or it will be to big at you will be trying to hide the over flowing plastic such that it doesn’t ruin the sight lines of your latest kitchen accessory. Ultimately you will end with a kitchen draw full of unwanted bags and another trip to the shops.

So now let’s assume you have overcome these challenges, or you are simply using your bin for the first time. You will be regularly filling the bin until such time as it appears full. This will be at night time, probably after dinner and you won’t be wanting to take the contents outside to that ugly green thing. So you will squash some more into the Brabantia and this will continue until such time as you are forced to remove the bag from inside. Now those of you familiar with the inside will now that within the outer steel bin lives a plastic one that you pull out via a concealed handle. Once the plastic bin is removed you are then able to remove the plastic bag containing all your compressed rubbish. And here we get to the heart of the matter. As you pull the bag out, it will drag across the handle and tear leaving much of your flippin rubbish all over the kitchen floor!

So there, proof indeed, that at the Vinghoe Velos we talk rubbish.

Now to the juicy bits as promised above……… this weeks rides.

Firstly the Iain Rennie ride takes place tomorrow. If you have not already registered then entry is now closed. Good luck to all those taking part.

Long Ride

Short Ride

Now before I leave you to enjoy the rest of the weekend I bring you news of another money spinner. If you are enjoying those fresh eggs delivered by Andrew and Jose then this is for you. As you know they now have 12 chickens and egg production is now at an all time high, such that they have a shortage of shells.

So when you’ve cracked that shell open, don’t discard into that shiny new bin. No simply pop up to the Rose and Crown on Friday night where Andrew and Jose will refund you 5pence for each returned shell. The healthy alternative to returning fizzy drinks bottles!

Hey its not every week you get bins, lady boys, eggs and cycling in one article. That should get our numbers up on a google search!

That’s all folks!

Many of you, I am sure, will have enjoyed Sundays’ ride and in particular the company of Sally and Andy Beezer. However, behind the smiles of this charming couple lies a story that would tug at heart strings made of steel.

Those of you that have been with us from the outset will remember their beloved son Jack, a young man who whilst lacking strength, agility and stamina was determined to join the pinnacle of cycling, the Vinghoe Velos. Now what Jack may have lacked in physical attributes was compensated for by an astute mind, that some have said would place him significantly near the top of the mammal food chain. But today I can confirm that he remains absent, and so today we ask you to help us find Jack. We are certain that with your help and our celebrity friends we can bring Jack back.

We have been fortunate to have Shaw Taylor amongst our midst and he offers the following insights:

“Jacks last known whereabouts was in the Brighton area, where he is believed to have been Studying. We also now that he is a keen Frisbee player, and spent much of his time avoiding lectures and heading out to the beach. We’d have liked to have shown you an up to date picture of Jack, but we believe his features have now changed, and the best we can give you is this latest Police reconstruction.

Over the past few weeks you have been left in the very capable hands of Andrew, whilst I have continued my high altitude training in the French alps. Now recent posts or gossip may have led you to believe that I have a never ending cycle of vacations and Jollies. But let me reassure you this is far from true. The Olympics remain only a short distance away, and if I am to retain my medal status the arduous labour must continue. And this brings me onto todays post.

As ever the Vinghoe Velos remain dedicated to creating a club open to all. To borrow a title………………the peoples cycling club!  We continue to develop our ideas to meet the expectations of everyday people. Indeed it was only recently, whilst lunching at the Kings Head over an exquisite Aylesbury Duck, that a passer by lent in through the window and shouted “Gary, you are a man of the people go out there and bring the velos to the masses”. And so inspired by this mere mortal I ordered more wine before arranging for the chauffer to return us to the Rose and Crown.

So today our campaign starts, fellow velos get out amongst your friends. Remember it is not what you can do for your cycling club, it is what your club can do for. It is not the taking part that counts, but the winning. The bicycle is not for turning.

That last statement might not be correct.

And so me Homeez I bring you onto this weeks banging rides. Their Gangzsta!

Short Route

Long Route

Finally for those of you still in doubt take a look at some of our fellow cyclists to see the mass appeal of our club.

Well I have now returned from luxuriating in the french Alps, where I developed a number of new 2 hour rides for our intrepid members and friends. As usual they will start from the R&C and finish there. More news of these when the teleporter arrives.

And so continuing with the good news theme, whilst the rest of the world continues to trawl through double dips and recession, your local cycle club continues to go from strength to strength with over 40 of us now now subscribing to our regular updates. Its not difficult to understand why when you look at our investment success, you put no money in, and we turn it into no money. By my calculation that’s a 100% return, where else are you going to get that? In fact we are so confident of our continued success that we don’t even need to attach the usual disclaimers about the value of investments going up and down. So go tell your friends and get them out on tomorrows ride. I bet you were wondering how I was going to get to the cycling bit, so was I when I started writing this!

Well here it is, a little 20 miler, with a few slight inclines, but mainly downhill.

January Jiggler